


Facade

by soldiergame



Category: IDOLiSH7 (Video Game)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-20
Updated: 2016-08-20
Packaged: 2018-08-09 23:14:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7821031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soldiergame/pseuds/soldiergame
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four times Ten says "I'm fine", and the one time he actually means it.</p><p>12/11: minor edits were made (fixing weird sentences)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Facade

**Author's Note:**

> Happy anniversary guys (I'm sorry)
> 
> This was super rushed... I'll probably edit it later
> 
> Special thanks to [vanerz](http://archiveofourown.org/users/vanerz/) and [inberin](http://archiveofourown.org/users/inberin) for helping me look through this!!

* * *

 

It is a split-second decision, a choice he unconsciously makes even before Kujou comes to him with the deal.

He nods his head and takes the hand that is offered to him, knowing that he can never go back (how could someone go back to a home they willingly abandoned?).

But as long as Riku is happy and safe, he will gladly sign his soul to the devil himself.  

“Are you sure you don’t want to say goodbye?” Kujou asks, his voice drenched in fake concern and barely concealed triumph. Ten halts his steps, fighting the urge to look back (he would return to Riku’s side in a heartbeat).

He thinks of his twin’s pale, sickly form, lying unconscious on the hospital bed. Of growing debts, hospital bills and their declining business, of Riku’s smile, bright as ever despite the coughs tearing their way out of his throat.

(What wouldn’t he give to preserve the light in his twin’s eyes?)

He has to do this.

“I’m fine,” he manages to say, keeping his voice level, his expression blank, even though his heart aches at the thought of being apart from his twin. Riku would cry, maybe even loathe him for it (that too, is fine with him), but at least he would be getting the proper treatment he needed. He would be alive (brotherless, but alive), and to Ten, that alone is enough.

(“You’ll have to get used to being ‘fine’,” Kujou tells him later, “There’s no room for weakness and sentimentality in the idol world.”)

Neither of them speak of the tears that are prickling the corners of his eyes, nor the small photo album which he takes along with him, clenched tightly in his hands.

After that, it gets easier to keep up the pretense as he begins his training as a professional idol. He has to be perfect, otherwise, there would be no point in leaving, no point in abandoning everything he held dear to him.

Gone is Nanase Ten, the caring older twin, thirteen years of memories erased from the family record in a matter of minutes. He is Kujou Ten now (the name still feels foreign on his tongue, no matter how many times he says it), the perfect idol who would one day surpass the legendary Zero.

 

* * *

 

“I really hate you,” Riku says.

The words pierce his heart like a thousand spears, and he lurches back like he’s been burned.

Ten feels something inside him break, shattering into thousands of fragments. He inhales sharply, giving himself a brief moment to regain his composure. He wants to speak - to explain - but the words refuse to come out.

 _It’s not like that,_ he wants to say, _I didn’t abandon you, I’ve never forgotten you_. Things he wants to say, but never gets the chance to.

(Maybe this is karma, he thinks, as they are interrupted time and time again, before he can even finish a sentence. Finally, he makes to leave in muted resignation, carefully rearranging his features into an aloof expression.)

“You sure you’re alright?” Gaku asks him as they exit the dormitory, a drunken Ryuu in tow.

 “...”

It’s okay if Riku forgets about him, because he will never go digging for truths that are better left unsaid. It’s okay if Riku never forgives him, because he doesn’t deserve forgiveness anyway, not after what he’s done. It’s okay if Riku hates him, because he’s happy with his unit, he’s _happy_ , and that’s all that matters to Ten.

He thinks of Riku’s eyes, glowing with warmth and happiness as he embraces his unit after their victory in the BnW Live, and ignoring the tiny voice in that back of his mind, telling him that it could have been him there instead, at Riku’s side.

The same crimson eyes, shining with anger and hurt, are still fresh in his mind, opening up old wounds, wounds he thought had healed long ago, chipping away at the remnants of his shattered heart.

“I’m fine.”

 

* * *

 

He practices for hours, non-stop, until his body gives out from exhaustion, because there is no point to this all if he isn’t perfect enough.

Maybe, one day, when all of this is over, he will speak to Riku, and tell him the truth behind his choice to leave with Kujou. He won’t be forgiven, not when Riku is pointedly ignoring him whenever they meet, but that’s okay too.

So, until then, he continues to perform, because that is the only thing he can do now. To surpass Zero. To become the perfect idol.

It is probably due to his lack of sleep, but that does not excuse the fact that he slips up, singing a line he’s not supposed to. Riku and Iori stare at him, and he quickly mutters an apology, masking his panic at making such a careless mistake. 

His phone vibrates, and he can see Tsumugi staring at him from across the room, concern evident in her gaze.

 **[TSUMUGI]:** Is everything alright, Kujou-san? You seem tired.

Ten does not even think twice before responding, his fingers gliding across the screen with practiced ease.

  **[TENN]:** I’m fine.

 

* * *

 

_“Even if the whole world is in despair, it is our job to smile, to sing.”_

 

Ten sings and dances, until one day, he breaks.

His ankle feels like it’s shattering as he hits the ground, a medley of concerned voices filling the practice room as Gaku and Ryuu make their way towards him, their expressions laced with concern and slight alarm.

Gritting his teeth, he picks himself up, schooling his face into an indifferent mask as the production team offers to tape up his ankle.

“I...”

_It hurts, it hurts, ithurtsithurtsithurts-_

“... I’m fine,” he says instead, willing his legs to move as he strides towards his companions. _For Riku_ , he tells himself, and it makes the pain somewhat bearable as he continues to practice for their next performance.

(He has to be perfect, has to surpass Zero, or else all his hard work will be for naught.)

All the pain in the world was worth it, for Riku.

 

* * *

 

It feels surreal, something that was once a childhood dream, a promise between brothers, now about to become a reality. Singing side-by-side, performing on the same stage, feats that would not have been possible all those years ago. 

He stands behind the stage, against the glare of the lights, the cheers of the crowd rippling through the concert hall as he awaits their cue. Two hushed words, barely louder than a whisper, slip past his lips.

_Nanase Ten._

He hasn’t gone by that in years, but it rolls off his tongue with a familiarity he never knew it possessed.

“Ten-nii...?”

“I’m fine,” he says, and steps out onto the stage, next to Riku, where he belongs.

_I’ve never felt better._

 

* * *

 


End file.
